When you have been married for more than 10 years, you start to feel that you know everything about your spouse. Things that were endearing during the first couple of years of marriage don’t seem so cute anymore. Life becomes predictable. We start taking each other for granted. Our expectations have grown and disappointments too. You know exactly how your spouse will react in a particular situation. There’s no element of surprise and life seems so boring.
Daniel and I hit a similar patch last year and we felt like there’s nothing new happening with us. The office hours and other responsibilities did not help much. Though we live in the same house, it felt like we met each other only on weeekends and our life was so busy that sometimes we were busy doing other stuff on weekends as well.
I noticed him putting on weight and not caring about it. It was irritating for me because I cant dream of a life without fitness. He wanted me to go watch movies with him and I was not so interested in that. Being completely opposite doesn’t help this situation. We were always opposites but we used to do things together before, but now we just stopped trying. He loves eating out and I had lot of reservations about outside food. I always prefer home food. We started doing the things we like with other people. He would go out with his friends, I would be busy with my Zumba class. I could see we were drifting apart, not because of anything major but just these small differences.
We both knew, we had to work on our relationship. We just cant do our own things for the rest of our lives. We love each other too much. We both realised we were being selfish and we need more grace in our relationship. I thought to myself, I can ignore the wet towels on the bed and not make an issue about it every time. Daniel can ignore the scratch on my watch and not be mad at me every time he sees the scratch. I can go out and eat and not be too uptight about my diet. Daniel can accompany me for a cup of green tea and not hate it so much. When we started working on our marriage, we again started to see things that mattered and not silly annoying things that did not matter at all. I could see a loving husband, an amazing father, a wonderful worship leader, a compassionate man and so much more. I couldn’t see the wet towels anymore, Daniel stopped seeing a nagging wife (lol), I started going out for dinner and movie and Daniel started working out and eating clean. We decided to capture the good qualities that we see in each other rather than focusing and pointing out the bad ones. We stopped expecting each other to be perfect. I always wanted a perfect life with a perfect husband, a perfect child ; but I think perfect is boring. You need these ups and downs to keep you grounded and humble so that you continue to work towards making things better.
We have started laughing together, eating together, watching movies together, raising an amazing daughter together and having green tea together. There’s nothing that a green tea cannot fix, you just need to overcome the annoying taste it has in the beginning to experience the goodness and fulfilment that it has to offer – Just like marriage!
Green Tea for Two – Just me and You!!!